Once again, I’m all over the place today, a series of highs then lows. It started off well enough but quickly spiraled down plateauing to an even plain. *sigh* I feel incredibly frustrated and confused. I’m happy, sad and everything in between.
Everything is moving forward in my life –got a job, being more social and enjoying the company of others, all in all, doing much better physically and mentally than I was over a month ago yet I still feel the angst, the worry and the fear tugging away at me a little bit at a time.
I think it’s great that everything is moving along and there’s no going back now. I’m committed to the job and all the responsibilities that come along with it. And that’s what kind of freaks me out –what if I crumble under the pressure, what if I really suck at these greater responsibilities, what if people view me as incompetent of holding this position, then what?! yikes! I know it’s silly of me to question these things but I am still learning to control my inner chatterbox.
On the good days, I know I will handle it all –the meetings, the reports, the conference calls, everything. I will do whatever it takes to be good at what I do, no matter what others think of me. I know that I am strong, that I have an excellent work ethic and that I have knowledge of every aspect of the company so yes! I will handle anything that comes along.
It’s just jitters and nerves kicking in for the first day of work next week that’s got me questioning my abilities. I know that once I get back into everything, I will be fine and if I’m not, that’s okay because I won’t be there alone, I will have support from my other co-workers.
So I should relax and chill out . . .
